Sometimes people on Twitter say things that make me go hmmmmm and this was the case when Man Repeller (love her btw) tweeted the following:
“Chivalry isn’t dead, it just looks different.”
My immediate reaction was, hmmmmmmmmm I don’t think I agree with that statement and after sitting with it for a while, I still don’t. When I retweeted the post a friend actually said that it didn’t look different, women have just settled for less and I must admit, he’s right. I think somewhere along the way we’ve let men, society, or whomever convince us that our very basic expectations of a gentlemen are utterly ridiculous and unacceptable! And as if that wasn’t bad enough, we are now telling each other that the men are still chivalrous, it just looks different? I don’t think so!
We’ve settled for texts instead of calls, dinners at home instead of going out, tweets and Facebook posts instead of flowers, etc… etc… etc… Men no longer subscribe to this notion of the chivalrous gentlemen and at this point, I can’t even blame them because we don’t expect them to. If a person can get away with doing the bare minimum why wouldn’t they? And in my case, I can’t even say I blame the men. I mean I don’t like long phone calls or flowers or things that are generally considered romantic. That being said, I still long for romance/chivalry of some sort…but if I don’t know what I want the romance to look like, how can I expect the guy? So maybe chivalry does look different? Maybe it updated with the times? Or maybe, like my friend said, we’ve just been conditioned to think that way.
Of course there are those who say that if more women were willing to act like ladies then more men would act like gentlemen and to that I say, bullsh*t!!!!! Although maybe it’s true? Maybe we’re all stuck in this vicious cycle of how we think the opposite sex should act and now we’re all screwed? I don’t know but I know I don’t like it. The idea of romance has long been dead and with it, went chivalry.
I’ve dated a lot and I can count on one hand the number of men who have opened a door for me, I’ve never been sent flowers, I’ve never had a grand romantic gesture and now that I think about it, that kind of sucks. I know so many women tell ourselves that we don’t need romance and we don’t care about things like that and don’t care about stupid holidays like Valentine’s Day but how much of that is actually true? We’re women! We need to be wooed, we need romance, we need gentlemen…it’s what makes us feel like ladies! Disney has already ruined our way of thinking but you know, there was something to that treating a girl like a princess thing.
I still don’t think I’m clear on what it means to say chivalry just looks different. Is a text chivalrous? Should I take a tweet saying “I miss you” as more romantic than sending me flowers? Are men being chivalrous by respecting my equal rights and not holding the door open for me? Is hanging out on your couch the same as taking me to a fancy restaurant? Are you being more or less chivalrous by asking us what we want for Christmas/bday gifts instead of using some thought and imagination and planning something special? I don’t know!!!!! And all of this is making my head hurt.
I can’t speak for all women but I can say without a doubt, that in my humble opinion, chivalry is dead. I long for a world where thoughtful (notice I didn’t say expensive, thoughtful doesn’t always = tons of money) gifts, opened car doors, love letters, surprise visits, etc… are still the norm. I long for courtship and real dating and wooing of women. I long for romance even though I’m not entirely sure what romance in 2013 looks like…basically; I long for chivalrous gentlemen who know how to treat a lady, gentlemen like Rhett Butler.
Although, he was perfect and look how Scarlett treated him? SO maybe it is our fault, ladies? Oh well! I refuse to pay the price for Scarlett’s mistakes, I demand chivalry gentlemen! And I won’t accept that it looks different, it looks exactly the same way it’s always looked and I think it is time we, as ladies, started demanding it.