*I know I’m lateeeeeee, forgive me, it won’t happen again!*
We open with Elijah telling his boyfriend that he slept with Marnie in one room of Hannah and Elijah’s apartment and Hannah doing some weird exercise video in the other. Elijah’s (ex) boyfriend can’t understand why he would sleep with Marnie and Elijah can’t understand why he cares. After the opening theme we see Elijah and Hannah watching the creepiest videos you’ve ever seen, Adam singing songs about how Hannah broke his heart.
After we spend some time discussing how disturbing Adam is and how confused Hannah is that Elijah and his bf broke up (she still doesn’t know about Marnie) we join Marnie on the strangest job interview ever. The interview concludes with the gallery owner telling Marnie that she doesn’t see her in the art world.
*note* poor Marnie, I think this shall be a tough season for her.
We leave Marnie and her insanely awkward interview to join Hannah and Sandy (Donald Glover) in her bathroom where Hannah is sharing with Sandy how much she likes having sex with; I believe “I really like having sex with you” were her exact words. Elijah comes in and one of the funniest exchanges of the show takes place because obviously Elijah the gay male isn’t too thrilled about Republican Sandy. The scene pretty much ends with Hannah telling Elijah that he can’t judge anyone because his ex George was on “hotmail for a very long time”. BAHAHAHAAHAHHA OK, pause, can I just tell you how judgmental I am of people still on Hotmail? This quote gave me such joy.
Next we join Ray and Shoshana in bed being adorable and an angry Marnie storms in saying "I just don’t wanna be around people who don’t hate everything in their life right now", bahahahahahah oh Marnie, we’ve all been there. Marnie is in the middle of her serious work crisis and gets one of the best pep talks in the world from Shoshana and Ray, it basically centers on her being pretty. Shoshana has found the solution to all of Marnie’s problems; she needs to get a pretty person job…like a hostess.
*note* Maybe that’s what I should try and do in Austin, I just wanna moveeeeeee.
Finally after almost an entire season premiere of no Jessa I get some Jessa!!!! Hannah goes to visit her at her apartment and all the usual Jessa strange/awesomeness takes place. (The writers could have done a better job of hiding the real life pregnancy of the actress who plays Jessa but I digress…). I love the conversation that Hannah and Jessa have in the park, I could try and describe you but I wouldn’t do it justice, you have to watch it. Jessa’s character is in such a wonderful place this season and I love it.
It’s been mentioned a couple of times throughout the episode that Hannah gave Sandy an essay of hers to read a few days before and after finally confronting him about it, we discover, that he didn’t like it. SHOCKING! Hannah and Sandy have one of the silliest/funniest conversations/breakups I’ve ever seen. At one point during the breakup Hannah actually says, "Why don’t you just lay this thing down, flip it and reverse it" and Sandy calls her out for quoting Missy Elliot. LOLOLOL And the breakup actually ends with Hannah asking Sandy if he wants to have sex now…his answer is no. Ha.
Meanwhile back at Hannah’s apartment, Marnie and Elijah are fighting over telling Hannah they hooked up and Marnie is dressed like a “slutty Von Trap child”, per Elijah. After Marnie and Elijah leave Hannah is left alone to study Youtube tutorials on how to cut your bangs. Ha, I can’t make this stuff up. In the middle of making important life decisions (like cutting your bangs) Hannah gets a text from Adam saying he’s downstairs. Hannah quickly does what any normal girl would do when their stalker ex-boyfriend shows up, pretends she’s asleep I love the writing of this show. However, it turns out he still has a key to her apartment and lets himself in…in a totally non creepy/stalker way.
At one point when Adam is there Hannah decides to call 911 because it’s kind creepy when your “murdery” boyfriend shows up at your apartment. Hannah decides against talking to the cops but it turns out that if you call the cops and hangup…they still show up. After telling the cops his name we discover that Adam has a couple of unpaid tickets and then…ADAM GETS ARRESTED! The way this episode ends is so freaking hilarious and awkward and real and brilliant. The episode ends with Hannah screaming down the stairs at the cops, “where are you guys going, do you wanna just tell me where you’re going, I might come later! I am so sorry!!!” and we then get our signature song to end the episode.
Thoughts on the Episode: I loved this episode so much! Looking at that recap it seems pretty long but I feel as though there was so much more I wanted to add. The episode was pure comedy. I’ve always found Girls to be amusing but I felt as if the writers really stepped their game up with this episode. The dialogue in every scene was witty and sharp and moved along perfectly. I especially loved the park scene with Jessa and Hannah and the breakup of Sandy and Hannah.
Favorite Quotes from the Episode
"It was like 3 pumps, it was like 2 and a half pumps and then I lost my boner"- Elijah to his bf
"I know I always said he was murdery in a sexy way but what if he’s murdery in a murder way?"- Hannah
"Who knows, folks that old have different rules."- Elijah
"SO basically you’re saying he didn’t love me enough to murder me"- Hannah
"You don’t need 2 Republicans to make a republican, they’re kind of like terrorist. You don’t need 2 terrorists to make a terrorist."- Sandy
"You are very pretty, I’m personally not attracted to you at all, because I know you but I can respect and recognize."- Ray to Marnie
"Yeah well you tend to overthink things and that’s an issue for you."- Jessa to Hannah
"Oh I’m a white girl and I moved to New York and oh I’ve got a fixed gear bike and I’m gonna date a black guy and go to a dangerous part of town!"- Sandy to Hannah
"If I tell you to go away and you don’t go away that is SPACE RAPE!"- Hannah