I recently spent a lovely 9 days with a group of ladies I rarely see and of course the conversation turned to boys. I didn’t find this particularly surprising because whenever I’m with people of either sex the conversation almost always ends up turning to talk of the opposite sex. Because I was so disgusted with my own situation (with the guy that lied about having a girlfriend, yeah, haven’t let that go yet) I got to the point where I was just over conversation about guys. I pretty much followed up any conversation with “stop over analyzing”! After a while I realized that this is seriously the easiest way to deal with situations with men. Let’s all take a look at the definition below.
an·a·lyze [an-l-ahyz] Show IPA
verb (used with object), -lyzed, -lyz·ing.
to separate (a material or abstract entity) into constituent parts or elements; determine the elements or essential features of ( opposed to synthesize): to analyze an argument.
to examine critically, so as to bring out the essential elements or give the essence of: to analyze a poem.
to examine carefully and in detail so as to identify causes, key factors, possible results, etc.
Now let me preface this by saying that I truly believe guys are just as bad as girls on some things (drunk dialing, being overly emotional etc…) but when it comes to over analyzing things, it’s all women. The amount of time we devote to trying to figure out if a guy likes us is ridiculous and unnecessary. Here’s a thought ladies, he either likes you, or he doesn’t. I wish that I could just walk around passing out copies of He’s Just Not That Into You because reading that book (many years ago) was probably the best thing that ever happened to me.
Guys are not these complex creatures that we need to study and try and figure out if they like us; they’re simple, VERY simple. If they like you they will show you that they like you and if they don’t they will show you that they don’t. Here are some tips to help you tell the difference.
He may like you if…
1. He contacts you.
2. He actually cares if you’re sick (OMG this is a big one.)
3. He doesn’t hook up with other girls.
4. Did I mention, he contacts you?
5. He doesn’t do things to make you have to analyze whether or not he likes you.
6. He doesn’t flip out if you tweet him. OK- there’s a story here. I randomly like/d this guy and any time I would tweet him he acted like it was the end of the world. Um, I’m sorry but even Lil Wayne tweets how much he loves his girlfriend and he has hos all over the world. It’s not that serious. OK, rant over.
He may not like you if…
1. He’s hooking up with other girls.
2. He disappears for days without contacting you.
3. You tell him you’re sick and ask him to bring you medicine and he replies “I’m not trying to get sick”
4. He plays mind games.
5. He doesn’t take you on dates. LADIES, we are not in college anymore. If a guy only wants to come over to your place to “hang” he doesn’t like you…he wants to sleep with you. Sorry, tough love.
I just think we spend entirely too much time worrying about whether or not a guy likes us when in reality we should be worried about so many more important things! Here’s a potential list of things you could think about instead of worrying about whether or not a guy is going to text you back, ask you out, likes you, or whatever!
1. Where can I find some Birthday Cake Oreos
2. A trip to the Sprinkles cupcake store sounds fun!
3. Girls night out sounds great! Let’s plan that!
4. What blog post should I write for the week
5. I think I need to revamp my wardrobe.
6. Ryan Gosling is really hot!
7. What book should I read this month?
8. Ryan Gosling is really, really, hot!
Or any other multitude of things that don’t center around boys! Simply put, it shouldn’t require this much thought to date someone. Think about how it was when you were in high school. You liked a boy, you probably mentioned this to your friend, who just happened to know his friend and next thing you know you’re going to homecoming together. Think about college, you liked a boy who happened to be in the brother fraternity of your friend’s sorority, you mention it, next thing you know he’s added you on Facebook and you’re going out. I know it sounds silly but to be honest it shouldn’t be that much harder now. Granted we’ve traded in homecomings and formals for weddings and company holiday parties but the sentiment is still the same. When two people like each other there’s really no need for all the drama.
Now it’s time for the tough love portion of this post ladies and it really all comes down to this, if a guy likes you, he will show you. Period; the end. All that time WE (yes I’m guilty of it too) spend trying to figure out what his text meant, formulating the perfect flirty but not too clingy text message to him, trying to figure out why he took so long to text me back, if he saw me in that bar and ignored me, if he’s dating a new girl, what that tweet to his friend was about, why he hooked up with that other girl (even though you were on a “break”) and he said he loved me, why I haven’t met his friends yet, why he’d rather stay out all night instead of hangout with me, why we had plans and he broke them, why he leaves the room when he answers the phone, why he locks his text messages, why he BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH is a waste ladies, A WASTE!!! Do you want to know why? I’ll tell you why…
HE DOES NOTLIKE YOU
I’m sorry honey, I love y’all, but it’s true. When someone likes you it is obvious, there is no drama. There may be ups and down but there’s no need to over analyze EVERY SINGLE THING that happens. You see, if you were in a healthy functioning flirtation/relationship there wouldn’t be time to over analyze things because you’d be too busy BEING HAPPY!!!!!
So listen up ladies! If you’re a friend of mine and you start waxing poetically/ranting about a guy I’m going to tell you the following phrase “don’t over analyze, he either likes you or he doesn’t.” I say this with tough love and only because I care about your well being! When it really comes down to it, trying to date someone shouldn’t be this much work. Yes, relationships require a bit of work but in the beginning it should really be sunshine and rainbows or as I like to think of it cupcakes and Louboutins! Either way, it shouldn’t be a guessing game that makes you crazy. I hate to break it to you but if you’re spending all your time trying to figure out what a guy is doing and/or thinking you need to let that go because he doesn’t like you and you’re only making yourself crazy. I promise you, there is a guy out there for you and when you find him there won’t be any need to over analyze things.
Just so we’re clear, my person is Ryan Gosling so back off ladies! :D