Nov 23, 2012

Dear Men, Please Stop

Men (or at least the men all over Twitter/Facebook) are always telling anyone who will listen about the behaviors they find acceptable for women. Well, here’s a fun little piece of information, we also have things that we find acceptable/unacceptable for y’all. SHOCKING, I know. I’ll give you a moment to let it set in. Good now? OK, anyway, here’s my top list of things I really don’t find acceptable for men.

Drinking Girly Drinks/Using straws


OK people, I don’t know when all the men in the land starting drinking mixed drinks, girly shots, and sipping their cosmos and hurricanes out of straws but I need it to stop. I personally feel that men should either drink liquor straight up or a beer (but honestly not a beer because beers give them beer bellies and NO ONE wants that).  I base my ideal image of a pure sex appeal and manliness on Don Draper and was Don Draper ever sipping mixed drinks!?!? NO! Don Draper was casually sipping his scotch on the rocks and I’d like my men to do the same. I mean I myself rarely partake in a mixed drink and find cosmos and martinis to be of little or no use to me, so why on earth a man would drink one is beyond me. And when did all the dudes start ordering things like cherry vodka sours and glasses of wine? UMMMMM, NO! You may drink whiskey, beer, or scotch and that’s it. I know, I’m so demanding.

And in reference to the straw issue, I just don’t feel that men should be using straws for drinks, it’s just a no. Drink out of the cup. Just do it, don’t question why. 

Sandals/Flip Flops

Personally, I feel as if flip flops are for running to the store, going swimming, or taking out the trash and that’s ONLY if you are a woman. I just can’t handle dudes in flip flops ever…EVER.

I mean what the hell is this!?

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Dudes, I don’t care if you’re in the sand, on a beach, just got out of the pool, or whatever…stop wearing sandals. I hate sandals on men so very much. There are tons of other shoe options for y’all to pick so pick them. There’s something so incredibly sad about a super hot guy wearing flip flops or sandals. First of all, y’all usually have horrible feet, sorry it’s true and secondly, it just looks odd. I know it’s unfair for you dudes who live in warmer climates to have to suffer with wearing sneakers in the summer but you’ll just have to deal. Women have cramps and PMS and y’all can’t wear sandals or flip flops, I think this seems fair.

Eating Soup

OK, this is admittedly irrational but I don’t support dudes eating soup. I have no idea why but it bugs me. Luckily, I discovered I’m not alone when my friend Jamie told me that her husband always says men don’t eat soup because “Men don’t slurp”! Ha, damn right Elijah, damn right!

Subtweeting

Guysssssssssssss, come on, COME ON. OK, girls can be nuts, demanding, and all kinds of other things BUT as far as Twitter goes, most of the indirect tweeting I see comes from dudes and that is insane. I mean we’re all guilty of it but I don’t think men should do it at all. There are guys I know who do nothing more than tweet rude things at girls who we ALL KNOW THEY LIKE because they’re too immature to just say something to the girl directly. I hate to say it but indirect tweeting just screams “I’m a 12 year old girl!!!!”, so stop. I’ll forgive a girl for doing it from time to time but if you’re a dude and you do it on a regular basis, I’m going to think some things about you…and you probably won’t like them.

Inappropriate Wallets

I once was in the middle of a conversation with a moderately attractive man and then he pulled out his homemade paper wallet. WHY??? I’m sorry sir but you are in your late 20s and you have a paper wallet, can you explain to me why that is? A wallet says a lot about a man and if yours looks like a kindergarten project, you should reevaluate some things. That being said, I’m also incredibly bothered by men who carry luxury brand wallets with logos all over it. Dear sir, why do you have a Coach wallet? I mean really. I’m not even saying they can’t have luxury but I don’t think a man’s wallet should scream “I’m a label whore!”. 


Overly Groomed/Made Up!

I appreciate a put together man and I adore a man with style but with all that being said, men who wear makeup and are obsessed with OVER-grooming themselves, bug me. I mean you have to get your eyebrows done every week? WHY! That’s absurd! I appreciate a nice face and you taking care of your uni-brows but at some point you are a little over the top. I’ve also noticed an increase in men wearing makeup and I don’t even know what to do with that. I myself only wear mascara, eye shadow, and eye liner and the rest of my makeup routine consists of chapstick…so I’m INCREDIBLY bothered by a man who wears foundation! When did this start? How did this start? WHYYYYYYY did this start? And how can we stop it!?!?!?

That’s it gentlemen, the main things that I wish dudes would stop doing. I just want y’all to get back in touch with your manliness and to ya know, fit my irrational standards of what a man should be! And when in doubt just think Don Draper…

Or Alcide Herveaux…

Yeah, let’s all take a moment to think of them…yummmmmmmmm.