Nov 20, 2012 / 1 note

The Great Dating Debate

Recently I posed the question on Twitter about appropriate behavior from someone you’re dating/talking to and of course that created a hailstorm of bullsh*t responses from guys that follow me on Twitter. Of course all the men came out saying any behavior is acceptable because they’re “single” and for some reason that annoyed the hell out of me.

I’ve always found it odd the level of inconsiderate behavior that men consider acceptable under the guise of being “single” and the excuse that “women act like they’re in relationships with men who act like they’re single’ (that’s a direct quote my friends) and apparently this is always the woman’s fault and we should rectify that behavior. OK, let’s explore that one. Men are the first ones to yell about how women should start acting like demure ladies (because apparently we’re all trying to act like men?). OK, valid point…except, you then say that we should act like ladies what do you mean? Men always say that women should stop acting like we’re in relationships with guys who act like they’re single. So one could argue, when dating, you want us to act like single men? So by that logic, unless we have seriously committed to being together everything is fair game and we can do whatever the hell we want to do, right? I mean that seems to be the mindset of men. Who cares about the feelings of the guy we’re dating because they haven’t officially been labeled boyfriend yet.  But wait, if we start behaving like that what will the men think of us???

Furthermore, why does having even the tiniest bit of respect for someone you are seeing mean that you think you’re in a relationship? I don’t know about the rest of y’all but for me it does not. I simply function with the notion that someone you care about, whether friend or potential significant other, deserves at least a bit of respect. I mean what exactly is it that you men seem to want? I’m having a hard time keeping track of the demands of men and to be quite honest, I’m sick of trying. That’s not to say you’re all bad but you’ve got to stop with this mentality that any and all behavior is excused because you’re “single”.  And maybe stop thinking that you are experts on women, just saying…

Your “single so I’m doing whatever I want” excuse is such a copout and to be honest, you’re better than that. You don’t tell a girl that you aren’t seeing anyone else or hooking up with anyone else and then go out and act any kind of way but justify it by saying “I’m single”. Not only is that kind of behavior uncalled for but it’s childish. Guys always say that girls act like they’re in a relationship but honestly I think it’s more like girls are usually selective about who they are willing to talk to and if we do in fact deem someone is worth dating/talking to, whatever… we kind of think that person deserves some respect.

Does that mean that we think you’re our new boyfriend and we’re going to think you’re cheating on us if you talk to other girls? NO. Does that mean we’re going to assume we’re exclusive without discussing with you first? NO. Does that mean we hold you to the same standard we would hold a boyfriend? NO! It does however mean that we assume you would have more respect for the woman you are dating/seeing/talking to than to behave in a manner that most would consider disrespectful. Perhaps I’m naïve in thinking that if I really like a guy and I feel some kind of connection that he might feel the same way. That even though we haven’t sat down and had a serious chat about where this is going that through the talks we’ve had and time spent together we’re on the same page. That he wouldn’t engage in behavior that would make me look dumb or question my feelings for him. Then again, I also seriously think that if I ever meet Ryan Gosling he’ll fall in love with me immediately…so perhaps I’m  not the expert on rational thinking.

Irrational Ryan Gosling fantasies aside, when you get down to it, if your mindset when first dating someone is that you can do whatever the hell you want then why are you dating? Just be single. Don’t flirt, don’t text her every morning saying hi, don’t sweet talk her, just hook up and be done with it. I mean tell her that’s your thing first but then just do it. Guys always say girls treat dudes like they’re in a relationship when the guys still act single and act like we just hallucinated all of this. Newsflash boys, y’all like the boyfriend role. You like to play the boyfriend role because you’re either sociopaths who think it’s funny to fuck with girls or you’re all too scared of a girl thinking you’re an asshole. You say things you think we want to hear, you call us, you text us, you do whatever you can to play the nice guy role and pretend like you like us but then wonder why we are just a bit confused when you then go out and behave like assholes. Silly us, you acted like someone trying to be our boyfriend so we treated you as such. Lesson learned, don’t do that again.

If you honestly want to behave any kind of way and still chase after girls or disrespect a girl you’re talking to then what’s the point? If that’s your single mentality then your relationship mentality can’t be that much better. Still, MAYBE guys could take a look at some of the behavior they justify with the “single” argument and see that SOME of it is kind of unacceptable.  Maybe you should think about the feelings of the girl you’re dating and wonder how you’d feel if she acted the way you acted (I’m entirely sure most of you would call her a ho/slut or some other equally offensive term). 

Or maybe I should just stop ranting about things I wish guys could do and just accept that they’re never going to do anything aside from look incredibly hot (sometimes/some guys) and piss me off with idiotic statements. Then I could devote more time to finding Ryan Gosling…

  1. britbritland posted this