Having gone out the past couple of weekends I’ve noticed a rise in the ridiculous ways some “men” (really boys playing dress up) approach women. There are multitudes of bad ways to approach a woman and I’ve experienced my fair share of them all but there are 5 that I need to stop, NOW.
The You’re Intimidating Line
OK, a friend of mine told me a story about a guy who came up to her, immediately offered to buy her a drink (we’ll discuss that later) and then sat down and said “Don’t take this the wrong way but, no guy will ever approach you because you look like a complete b*tch”. Um, excuse me? While that is an extreme example of idiotic things guys say, I can assure you that myself, and all my friends hear something along those lines all the time. It is usually “you’re intimidating/unapproachable” etc… While I can appreciate the effort it takes for a guy to approach a girl he doesn’t know, if you find a woman so intimidating that within 2 seconds of meeting her you feel the need to share that with her, you may have some issues. If my demeanor puts you off that much then honestly, I don’t want to talk to you anyway. I cannot stand a dude who is afraid to approach a woman (again, we’ll get to that later) and if you happen to be afraid of me because I’m “intimidating” then that’s your loss. Furthermore, an intimidating and unapproachable man simply has “confidence” and is well respected, gotta love those double standards.
Leading With the Drink
Sigh, guys, please stop doing this because it’s just sad. Guys are always ranting about not wanting to be used but they’ll see a pretty girl in a bar and then immediately offer to buy her a drink, I hate that. If you approach someone and enjoy her company for a while and are “vibing” then by all means, offer her a drink; in fact, you definitely should do that. However, walking up to a strange and just saying “can I buy you a drink” doesn’t work for me. I will just assume you’re trying to bribe me to hang out with you in the bar and I can’t stand that. This is especially annoying when I have a full drink. At least be smart about it and wait until my drink looks empty. We both know you’ve been staring at me this entire time anyway. This brings me to…
The Blatant Stare
I don’t care if you’re in a bar, at a stoplight, mall, grocery store, library, campus, wherever; the blatant, CREEPY, staring at women has GOT.TO.STOP. It is completely unacceptable to sit somewhere and just stare at a person like a creeper. If I’m in a bar with my friends and we’re chatting or dancing or whatever and I glance over and see you looking at me I will probably give you a polite smile and go about my business. If I happen to think you’re attractive I may look back again and give you a flirty smile, at which point, you have an opening to approach. HOWEVER, if you don’t get that second look that means it’s time to stop staring and move on to new prey. We can feel when we’re being looked at for prolonged periods of time and it’s just really creepy to do that in a bar. If I catch you looking at me multiple times I’m going to assume you’re plotting my death and stay the hell away from you. Yes, it’s that serious.
Treating a Bar Like a Playground
This weekend a boy touched me on the shoulder and when I turned around he said “it wasn’t me it was him” and pointed to his friend. They then proceeded to try and hit on me while I gave them a horrified look. I’m sorry but we’re all in a bar so I’m going to go out on a limb here and say we’ve all completed elementary school and since that’s the case, those kinds of antics are unacceptable. I think one of the main issues I have with “men” is that their flirting skills haven’t really evolved past elementary school. There are a few who managed to hone some extra skills in high school and use those but still, unacceptable. I’m in my 20s and therefore, do not respond to being poked, tapped, whatever and then you acting like you have NO IDEA who touched me. Really?????? REALLY?!!?!?!?!?!!??! Does that actually work on anyone? If you know a girl that worked on, I want to meet her. Still, I’ll give this guy some credit because even though he has the skills of an 8 year old boy, he at least had the courage to try and approach.
This brings me to my most hated tactic…
Having Your Friends Do Your Job
Sigh, why, alhfoaihfojhewoiajool, sighhhhhhhh! Alright, I’ve gotten that out of my system so hopefully I can properly explain my feelings without ranting. However, I make no promises on the occasional *sigh*. Anyway, guys, it is not OK to send your friends over to hit on guys for you. I mean I won’t approach anyone and there are times that I’ve wanted to grab a girl friend and say “hey, go tell that guy he’s hot” or whatever but I don’t. The thing is, if I did, it would be more acceptable than you doing it!! Yes, finally a double standard that works AGAINST men, yay! More than any of the others this is the one that happens to me the most, I guess this is because I’m so “intimidating” so they find the bravest friend and send him over on behalf of his buddy, yeah no, that doesn’t fly with me.
How am I supposed to take your approach seriously if you won’t even come talk to me? That’s so unattractive!!!! There is nothing more attractive than a man who has enough confidence to go after what he wants (and let’s not confuse confidence with cockiness). Yes you may get shot down but if you don’t try then you’ll never know and sending a friend over does not count as trying. I once had a guy have his friend’s girlfriend tell me “my friend thinks you’re very beautiful” and when I turned to glance at the guy he hid his face and turned away. WHAT???????? *sighhhhhh* What exactly did you plan to accomplish with that scenario? You wouldn’t even look at me after you sent your friend to talk to me. This makes no sense! This has got to stop boys, GOT TO. I don’t know one single girl who enjoys being hit on by your friends so do us all a favor and man up.
They’re laughing at you…
So to recap, if you’re scared of women that’s your own issue so keep it to yourself, bribing me with drinks never works, the creepy stare is really only OK for serial killers, this isn’t recess; it’s a bar, and don’t send a friend to do your job. If the “men” of the world could just stop doing these 5 things for us, ladies would have a much more enjoyable time at the bar.