Brit Brit Land

Here’s a really important question I’ve been pondering, why don’t adults get nap time? I’ve longed for the days of nap time and recess since I was in high school and realized that a break in the middle of the day sounded nice; no, not nice, it sounded wonderful! Nap time is wasted on children with their endless supply of energy! Who was the person that decided that only children get naps and the rest of us have to suffer through the day? Give me a nap, a recess, something!

I mean sure you get lunch breaks but what if I want another hour in the day where we turn off the lights, pull out our mats and blankets, and take a quick little siesta! I can’t be the only one who thinks this would be great a good idea. I heard that 2:55 PM is the average point in the day when people find themselves falling asleep and I can attest to the fact that this is true. Wouldn’t it be nice to know that you can look forward to a short nap in the latter part of your day? I mean they do it over in Spain! We can just shut everything down for an hour or two and rest!

And let’s talk about recess! You know, just a short break in the day to play or gossip with friends or do whatever you want. Nothing major, just 15-20 minutes to have good old fashion fun! Just give me a nap and a swing set and I promise I’ll be more productive the rest of the day! Growing up is one of the cruelest jokes in the world. You spend your whole childhood thinking it’s a big party and then you grow up and realize that the parties fall sporadically between life, bills, jobs, and responsibility.  So if I have to do all of this to be in the real world, I’m going to need the real world to give me a little bit of my childhood back…in the form of naps and recess. Come on people, let’s start a movement!

And don’t even get me started on snack time! Basically, I want kindergarten back! Ha.

Sometimes I sit and think about dating and relationships. This could be because I’m a single 28 year old or because I’ve read too much “chick lit” or because I’ve watched too much Sex and the City and am now convinced that men should just be falling out of the sky so they can easily be at my disposal. Regardless of who or what is to blame the point is still the same, where the hell are all the men I’m supposed to be meeting?

The bar: OK, has anyone ever successfully met someone in a bar and had a long-term relationship? I mean really?? If you have, can you please contact me and then maybe teach me your ways or something because I just don’t think it’s possible. Bars are basically grown up version of junior high dances…well junior high dances from back when I was young because the junior high kids of this generation could probably teach me a thing or two. I suppose that’s neither here nor there though. Anyway, my point is, the men aren’t approaching the women and the women aren’t approaching the men and in the middle of all this there’s usually bad music playing. So um, how exactly am I supposed to meet my prince charming in this environment?

Online: Don’t knock it till you try it, I mean in my opinion it’s no better or worse than meeting someone out…at a bar…if that ever happened but still, it is slim pickings. One would think that since you’re basically putting in an order for a made to order guy that you’d have more luck but I just don’t think that’s the case. Don’t get me wrong; if you happen to like guys who enjoy taking shirtless pictures, having photo shoots with their dogs, think that “yo” is an appropriate way to start a conversation with a woman, or who can’t seem to grasp the concept of writing a grammatically correct sentence then online dating may be the place for you! In fact, you’ll probably meet the man of your dreams in one day. For those of us that aren’t into this…we’re kind of out of luck.

Friends of Friends: In theory this is excellent. I imagine all my friends have a plethora of single, attractive, tall, attractive, funny, attractive, ambitious, attractive, childless, attractive men. And obviously they’ll want to set up their charming friend (ME!) with one of these handsome men that are in their life. Except for this one problem…I just made all that up. Of my fabulous group of single friends, I think that collectively they may know 10 guys; perhaps 15 if I’m being generous. Most of my fabulous friends have introduced me to other fabulous people and of those people I’d say 2% were men of which half were gay men. So there’s that. I mean I love a gay man but we’re talking about my love life here and I’m not really their demographic. Then you think that maybe your couple friends will hook you up with a random perfect single guy friend of theirs and then you realize; I don’t have any couple friends.

Phone Apps???: So here’s a thought, you’re sitting at say…Chili’s (listen, don’t judge me for picking Chili’s, you can pretend it’s somewhere fancier but I mean…you can’t beat the chicken tenders at Chili’s) and you pull out your phone, open up an app, and BAM, it’s leading you to the man of your dreams. If this idea sounds ridiculous to you then you may need to take a moment because apparently, this is the wave of the future. Maybe before I judge I should really sit down and think this through. I mean I did mention that the bar scene is like a junior high dance so maybe if we all pulled out our phones and searched for the nearest hottie, we’d have more luck actually meeting/approaching people in bars? …

*pause*

…………..

Eh. Probably not. Apparently this is the new thing though, finding the nearest single guy or girl by using your phone app. Is this what it’s come to? Asking your phone to show you pictures of all the guys in a 15 mile radius and then casually positioning yourself near one? If it is, I give up. Actually, I may have already given up. Check back with me on that one.

I mean I don’t know what to do here? Singles mixers? Is that a thing really? Speed dating? Hmmmmmm. Should I fling myself in front of a cab and hope that I’ll get rescued, like Charlotte? Start putting my garbage in random cans in front of houses and hope the guy complaining for me to stop is a sexy doctor, like Hannah? I mean you can’t make an entire song about how it’s raining men and feed me all these love stories as a child, only to have me grow up to realize that it is not, in fact, raining men. SO, If any of you have ideas on great places to meet men, please share them! Especially those of you, who have managed to capture yourself a man, share the hot spots ladies, don’t be greedy.

Until then, you can always try these…

terribletwenties:

My senior prom date, a now married mormon dad doctor person, sent me a Candy Crush Saga request so…yeah, I don’t think it’s necessary for me to attend my high school reunion.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Good friends. Supportive family. Random smiles. Cuddling. Puppies. Walking into a room that smells like whatever your version of heaven might smell like (mine is usually bacon or a freshly baked cake!). Unexpected laughing fits. The way toddlers walk around like they haven’t quite figured their feet out. The Whataburger french fry.

Spontaneous adventures. Authentic Mexican food. Surprise “snail” mail. Never-ending text conversations. Clothes fresh out of the dryer. Good times with friends. Books you never want to put down. Laughing so hard that your stomach hurts. Patios in the summertime. Random, GOOD, conversations with strangers. Reading a book in one sitting. Lessons learned from Gabrielle Bernstein. A cold bottle of water after a good workout. Perfectly written TV shows (The Newsroom in particular). Unexpected compliments. Stylish Toddlers

Soft serve ice cream. Text messages filled with random emojis. Girls trips. Reunions with old friends. Stumbling upon a random quote that truly inspires you. Inspiring others. Things that actually make you LOL. Genuine “I Love Yous”.