“You’re so envious. You want everything!”
The back-story to the comment above is basically, I was at a work training and we had assigned seating and I was sitting with two coworkers and 4 strangers. They served us breakfast but one girl brought her own Starbucks and literally pulled about 10 delicious things out of her back and I kept making offhanded comments about how I wanted them all and not the FREE breakfast provided. At which point a woman next to me said, “you’re so envious, you want everything!”…and it was like she slapped me in the face.
I immediately realized 3 things when she said that
1. It was true.
2. I noticed instead of getting defensive I actually thought about what she said.
3. She didn’t mean any ill will by it, she was just honestly sharing her perception of me.
And those 3 things made me realize that wow, she had a point. Here I was getting a free breakfast and lunch and getting to hear a wonderful speaker and I couldn’t focus on any of that because I wanted the fancy Starbucks and Voss Water (In my defense, Voss is delicious!!!!) another person had. That was pretty much a metaphor for so many other areas in my life. The randomness of a stranger telling me that after only knowing me for about an hour and a half really stuck with me and now that I think about it, it was kind of a gift from the universe. I was able to see how random things you say can come across to other people and check myself about not being grateful for what I had/have.
I now find myself going back to that comment whenever I’m having the “I want more” or “I want that instead of this” thoughts and that’s a wonderful thing. Those comments will probably stick with me forever.
I like questions like this because it lets you reflect and change your behavior. I’ve been on a path of positive energy/happiness/growth for a little while now so I think that I’ve identified these traits and taken major steps to stop them already but still, I’ll share them here.
I’m Jealous/Compare Myself- Like I said in a previous post, the comparison monster is the worst. It comes from a place of lack and fear and breeds jealousy and judgement. I work every day to get over this but I’d say this is probably, in my opinion, my biggest flaw. I’ll feel great about my body until I see someone thinner, I’ll feel great about where I’m going in life until I see someone younger doing more than me, etc…
You’re setting yourself up to never be happy and worse, you’re not enjoying what you have or being grateful. For me, the jealousy and comparison usually comes into play with comparing my body/looks to others. I partly blame society and the fact that they’ve convinced me I should look like a stick figure model while also having perfect breasts but still, I choose my feelings and if I’m jealous and comparing myself, I chose that.
So I work hard not to do it but it’s a struggle every day!
It’s All About Me!- Here is where only child syndrome can strike again! I think this trait pretty much shows up and is the worst when in relationships. I focus a lot on me and my feelings and how I feel wronged etc… and that’s not really how a partnership works.
Judgmental- I think that if anyone was asked this question and was truly honest, they’d say judgmental. If you don’t, you’re either a saint or you’re lying to yourself, sorry. The thing about judging others is it can sneak up anywhere and you don’t even really think you’re doing it. You judge a celebrities clothes, you judge the parents of the screaming child, you judge a random girl for wearing something revealing, you wonder why this person is always name dropping their “famous” friend…when in reality you’re judging them, you judge this person for always going out all the time, you judge this person for never going out, you scoff and yes, judge this person for that stupid Facebook status etc.. etc… etc…!!!!!
It is literally everywhere, we are a judgmental society and everyone seems to be OK with it. One of the first things I read in May Cause Miracles was about how judging others comes from fears. You are doing nothing more than reflecting your own fears about yourself onto the person you are judging. That was probably the best thing I’ve ever read because it got me to start analyzing my judgmental thoughts when I have them. And of the three traits I’ve listed here, I’d say this is the one I’ve made the most personal growth with. Now when I start to judge I immediately ask myself why I think that, where that thought came from, and what fear of mine am I projecting. It works miracles!!
Identifying your worst traits isn’t fun but it sets you up to take a good look at yourself and start changing your behavior. This is a wonderful thing.
I’m into them.